To the Mother who Thinks She is Failing
This morning as I hurried the kids out the door, handing them the breakfast of champions (a semi-warm toaster waffle that I had lovingly wrapped in a paper towel), trying to sign everyone's folders/planners (for the love, why do middle schoolers still need to do that?), wiping food off little faces (from dinner LAST NIGHT), making sure there was something of nutritious value in their self-packed lunches (FYI: pickles and potato chips are NOT an appropriate lunch choice), managing grumpy sloth (a.k.a. junior high boy), and realizing that I was still in pajama pants (did I even stop to brush my hair? doubtful), the thought that I've had a million bazillion times crossed my mind again: I might have been a good mom if I only had one or two kids.
Even now, I'm wracked with guilt sitting here at my computer, blogging, rather than being a domestic goddess and actually putting away the baskets of underwear and socks and starting dinner in the crock pot. But I think this is an urgent message that someone else needs to hear: Mom, you're not failing.
I remember sitting at MOPS as a young(er) mother, frazzled and stressed from years of sleepless nights, hearing some super-chipper, picture-perfect guest speaker say these words: "God paired you perfectly with your child. He knows the skills and gifts that you have and matched them up with the needs that your child has." I remember thinking, "yeah, right--because I'm pretty sure I'm raising the next mass murderer." (okay, not really, but he was three at the time, and we all know that three years old is waaaaaay more of a challenge than the terrible twos). I bet that guest speaker only had one or two kids and a maid and a personal shopper. (Disclaimer: I'm not dissing on moms with little families...I know that all kids, no matter how many or how few, bring busyness, noise, and mess to a home. I know you probably haven't slept a full night in years, too.)
I've thought about that statement many times since then, trying to find truth in it. Actually, the truth is that I'm still trying to figure out who I am (do I have an identity outside of "mommy"?), and depending on what week of the month it is, I might not be the same person the next time we talk (dang those hormones). Pair my lack of self-awareness with the varied and diverse personalities present in my half dozen children, the only possible conclusion I can see is that we are a complete, total, disaster of a train wreck.
But miraculously, we're not. Somehow, it works. Despite the fact that I actually said, "IF I FIND YOUR BIBLE ON THE FLOOR OF THE VAN ONE MORE TIME, I'M GOING TO THUMP YOU WITH IT" (please don't report me, you know you've thought it too)--despite this horrible example of godly, grace-filled parenting, my children have learned scripture. Leah recited the entire 23rd Psalm last night. Only because of God's grace (and AWANA). Despite the fact that he's been body-slammed and head-locked countless times from rowdy older sibs, Sam gets notes home from the teacher almost weekly that he's showing kindness and true friendship to kids who are struggling. This is most definitely only because of God's grace. Despite the fact that we let him watch Star Wars and play shoot-em-up video games earlier than experts recommend (and in the spirit of full disclosure here, we even propped him up at 6 months old and turned on Veggie Tales for more than one episode just so I could get the dishes washed, and I'm pretty sure that's not AAP-approved either), my teenager has NOT turned into the next mass murderer--yet--praise Jesus!
So, mommy, if you feel like you're failing, let me give you this encouragement: "For it is God who is working in you..." (Philippians 2:13a). And guess what, hallelujah and amen!? This statement even applies to those little munchkins of yours. God is working in them, too! He is pursuing them, refining them, teaching them, molding them, and shaping them into the person He designed them to be. This might be a little cliche, but their Heavenly Father is a much better parent than you. When we see these little glimmers of hope that they might actually one day grow up and become a contributing member of society, we should boast in the Lord's work in their life, not because of our parenting prowess.
Yes, of course, God gives children parents to guide them and teach them. We can not discount the importance of a committed, loving mother and father to help raise a child. But let's face it. We mess up. Daily. Hourly. Right? How can an imperfect person be expected to be a perfect parent? NEWSFLASH: it's impossible. The bottom line is that we can't do this parenting thing on our own. Chin up, sweet exhausted one. We weren't designed to do this on our own. We need Jesus. Our kids need Jesus. He is already there and at work in your family. And just a side note: contrary to what lies Pinterest may whisper, you don't need a perfectly organized and trendy house (am I rationalizing? maybe. Because my house is a freaking disaster right now).
Even now, I'm wracked with guilt sitting here at my computer, blogging, rather than being a domestic goddess and actually putting away the baskets of underwear and socks and starting dinner in the crock pot. But I think this is an urgent message that someone else needs to hear: Mom, you're not failing.
I remember sitting at MOPS as a young(er) mother, frazzled and stressed from years of sleepless nights, hearing some super-chipper, picture-perfect guest speaker say these words: "God paired you perfectly with your child. He knows the skills and gifts that you have and matched them up with the needs that your child has." I remember thinking, "yeah, right--because I'm pretty sure I'm raising the next mass murderer." (okay, not really, but he was three at the time, and we all know that three years old is waaaaaay more of a challenge than the terrible twos). I bet that guest speaker only had one or two kids and a maid and a personal shopper. (Disclaimer: I'm not dissing on moms with little families...I know that all kids, no matter how many or how few, bring busyness, noise, and mess to a home. I know you probably haven't slept a full night in years, too.)
I've thought about that statement many times since then, trying to find truth in it. Actually, the truth is that I'm still trying to figure out who I am (do I have an identity outside of "mommy"?), and depending on what week of the month it is, I might not be the same person the next time we talk (dang those hormones). Pair my lack of self-awareness with the varied and diverse personalities present in my half dozen children, the only possible conclusion I can see is that we are a complete, total, disaster of a train wreck.
But miraculously, we're not. Somehow, it works. Despite the fact that I actually said, "IF I FIND YOUR BIBLE ON THE FLOOR OF THE VAN ONE MORE TIME, I'M GOING TO THUMP YOU WITH IT" (please don't report me, you know you've thought it too)--despite this horrible example of godly, grace-filled parenting, my children have learned scripture. Leah recited the entire 23rd Psalm last night. Only because of God's grace (and AWANA). Despite the fact that he's been body-slammed and head-locked countless times from rowdy older sibs, Sam gets notes home from the teacher almost weekly that he's showing kindness and true friendship to kids who are struggling. This is most definitely only because of God's grace. Despite the fact that we let him watch Star Wars and play shoot-em-up video games earlier than experts recommend (and in the spirit of full disclosure here, we even propped him up at 6 months old and turned on Veggie Tales for more than one episode just so I could get the dishes washed, and I'm pretty sure that's not AAP-approved either), my teenager has NOT turned into the next mass murderer--yet--praise Jesus!
So, mommy, if you feel like you're failing, let me give you this encouragement: "For it is God who is working in you..." (Philippians 2:13a). And guess what, hallelujah and amen!? This statement even applies to those little munchkins of yours. God is working in them, too! He is pursuing them, refining them, teaching them, molding them, and shaping them into the person He designed them to be. This might be a little cliche, but their Heavenly Father is a much better parent than you. When we see these little glimmers of hope that they might actually one day grow up and become a contributing member of society, we should boast in the Lord's work in their life, not because of our parenting prowess.
Yes, of course, God gives children parents to guide them and teach them. We can not discount the importance of a committed, loving mother and father to help raise a child. But let's face it. We mess up. Daily. Hourly. Right? How can an imperfect person be expected to be a perfect parent? NEWSFLASH: it's impossible. The bottom line is that we can't do this parenting thing on our own. Chin up, sweet exhausted one. We weren't designed to do this on our own. We need Jesus. Our kids need Jesus. He is already there and at work in your family. And just a side note: contrary to what lies Pinterest may whisper, you don't need a perfectly organized and trendy house (am I rationalizing? maybe. Because my house is a freaking disaster right now).
There's about a 99.97% chance that in some future moment of weakness, I'll wonder if I could have been a "good mom" if Beehnie babies #3-6 had not come along. Lord, please forgive me for my unbelief! I'm forever thankful to be the mother of these little monsters darlings. But Lord, I need you desperately! When I see Your hand at work in my children, let my heart bring praise to You: You thrill me, LORD, with all you have done for me! I sing for joy because of what You have done. Psalm 92:4
Comments
Post a Comment