Hidden in My Heart

I have been considering buying a new Bible for awhile...but just wasn't quite ready to pull the trigger.  Has anyone else had this struggle?  It's just so hard to put an old friend on a shelf.  This leather-bound book has been my companion in so many seasons of life, and within its pages lay the memories of how God spoke to me through the joys, sorrows, victories, and failures of the past 16+ years.  Every time I open it, something falls out--a church bulletin, a photo, a handwritten note from one of the kids, or occasionally a whole chunk of the Word because the binding has been worn so thin.  It really was time to retire this Bible...but still tears fall as I think of all we've been through together.

My love affair with the Scriptures started in the fall of 1998 shortly after Jeremy and I truly fell in love with Jesus.  I had been taught all my childhood about the stories of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, all the way through Jesus, his disciples, the early church and the missionary journeys of Paul...however until my eyes were opened that beautiful midwestern autumn, these were just words on a page, no more than fairy tales. The turning point was October 12, 1998, on the steps of the altar at Springdale Nazarene Church in Cincinnati, Ohio, when my husband made a decision that changed the course of our lives and our legacy--he realized his great need for Jesus and invited Him in.  In our family, times of celebration are usually coupled with shopping...and this was possibly the most divine shopping spree of our lives.  That Sunday afternoon, at Berean Christian bookstore at Cincinnati Mills mall, we each purchased an NIV study Bible.  His was black and mine was blue.  We were young and dumb...and we certainly did not know how God would use His book to mold and shape our lives over the course of the next few years.

Tonight, Jeremy gave me a new Holman Christian Standard Version study Bible for my birthday. It's a beautiful, bittersweet gift.  After everyone was tucked in bed, I spent time flipping through the tattered pages of my old NIV, looking at all my notes from many wonderful years.  Though the bottom edges are stained from a Kool-Aid spill sometime in my children's toddler years, and entire chapters in Luke are missing because little hands ripped them out... my heart is full of memories as I look back and remember God's goodness and promises fulfilled.

In those first days as a true believer, wrestling with grace vs. works, He taught me:

November 1999:  struggling with infertility (believe it or not!).  God gave me this:

And over the next ten years, God was faithful and gave me six babies.  All of their births were celebrated and recorded on the inside covers of this Book.  (We are still working on the "happy mother" part.  Maybe I'll be able to chronicle this within the margins of my new Book.)

Through the sleepless decade of pregnancy and breastfeeding, God's Word is the perfect manual on parenting:

The Almighty has also used it as a holy 2x4 to smack me up side of the head when, shortly after having a positive pregnancy test with baby #5, I flopped down on the couch and in hysterical tears, I wondered if God actually knew what He was doing.  I literally used the flip and point method, desperate for a WORD...and this is what I read:

Of course, having all these little monkeys has been a challenge for our marriage.  My Bible practically falls open to Proverbs 31 because I've wept over this passage, with my face pressed within the page, so many times...begging God to help me to be this kind of a wife for Jeremy.

 The Scriptures have also been a comfort as I have prayed for many friends and family who were struggling.

Although I really had no clue what it would mean, God prompted me about a future in missions in May of 2004...

A few months later, He began speaking to me about homeschooling.  I think it's also SO like the Lord to tell me about this in the context of "trials of many kinds" and "the testing of my faith"...

 His Word has been a light in times of depression and self-doubt.

These Ancient Words have challenged me in times of zealous study.  The book of James is ALL MARKED UP because it's just so convicting!

And finally, over the past few years, I've been strengthened and set straight as we've been called to be Christ's ambassadors in Haiti...

 ...and reminded that we are there to love and to serve the people who we love so deeply.

This little tribute barely scratches the surface of the thousands of ways God has spoken to me through His Word.  One thing I've learned is that this Book contains enough beauty and wisdom to study for a lifetime....it is a deep mystery that God continues to make known to me through the many seasons of life as I seek to know Him more and more.

Oh, how I cherish His words, whether in my old beat up navy blue NIV or in my new light green HCSB.

"I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you."   Psalm 119:11

"Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."  Psalm 119:105

"The Word of God is alive and active.  Sharper than any double edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow.  It judges the hearts and attitudes of the heart."  Hebrews 4:12

"All scripture is God-breathed, and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God is fully equipped for every good work." 2 Timothy 3:16-17

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves.  Do what it says."  James 1:22